Earlier this week, I wrote this sentence:
The people who have most influenced my life have shown me the deepest grace.
After writing it, two interactions reinforced this idea.
The first interaction was with one of my oldest and closest friends. After months of trying to coordinate our schedules, the stars aligned for us to have lunch on Friday. Actually, we both took the day off work, so there wasn’t much luck involved! We see each other roughly two times a year and, despite our desire to be closer (physically), life just has us in two different places right now. We spent most of our time catching up on family, our work, our goals, and our beliefs about life. It was a three-hour conversation that delved into topics far beyond surface-level small talk. I shared more than a couple of things that gave me pause because, despite our long, deep friendship, I wasn’t sure how he was going to respond. In each case, he listened to me carefully, asked thoughtful questions, and affirmed his love and care for me. He saw me, empathized with me, and poured buckets of grace into my life. I couldn’t be more thankful for our conversation. Although we differ significantly on certain issues, I now have a deeper appreciation for his perspective.
The next interaction reminded me of how rare and valuable such grace is. It happened with a complete stranger just as I was sitting down at the local coffee shop. I was unpacking my bag and placed the book I was reading on the table when a young man walked up to me and said, “That book seems interesting. What’s it about?” I began to tell him what it was, but about 15 seconds in, he began looking away and down toward his phone. I shared for approximately another 45 seconds, as I recognized that he wasn’t too interested in listening. His disinterest caught me off guard – “You came up to me!” – and I felt a bit frustrated. When I finished, he replied. He told me that he doesn’t look at the topic from that perspective, that my worldview was incorrect, and invited me to consider it from his perspective. Mind you, I wasn’t sharing my worldview—I was telling him what the book was about. I replied to him with as much grace as I could muster (which wasn’t much), explaining that our worldviews were actually in alignment and that I still thought it was a compelling read. He thanked me for my time and walked out of the coffee shop. While I can only speak for myself, my guess is that neither of us had much influence on the other’s thoughts, much less their life.
As I watched him step into the sun and, likely, out of my life forever, I remembered that line: The people who have most influenced my life have shown me the deepest grace. I also began thinking about my favorite definition of leadership from John Maxwell (via my bestie and mentor, Carrie Tulbert): Leadership is influence.
That reflection brings me to a broader realization: Leaders are often at their best and have the most influence when they’re extending grace to others. The deeper the grace, the greater the influence. My hunch is that grace lies at the very heart of greatness. As for me, I know I am a better husband, family member, friend, leader, and person when I extend grace.
I invite you to look for opportunities to extend grace to those you lead this week.
#ChooseToBeGreat
Angelo
CHOOSE TO BE GREAT 