Last week, I came across a post from a popular website and social media brand that asked, “What’s the best advice you’ve ever been given?” It’s a common question we’re all asked from time to time. Whether it’s in an interview for a new job, a talk we are giving to students, or over a cup of coffee with a good friend who’s looking for advice, we’ve all taken some time to reflect on the wisdom we’ve received along the way.
Sometimes the answer we give is reflexive. We were given sage advice that made a profound impact on our lives and it’s remained at the forefront of our minds, guiding our steps and framing much of the way we do things.
At other times, we need to dig deeply to access the gifts of counsel given to us over the years. They’re no less profound, but we need to work a bit more to find the words. An example of this would be these words from my friend, Mauricio: A leader is best when people barely know they exist, when their work is done, their aim fulfilled. They will say: “We did it ourselves.”
Finally, if we’re honest with ourselves, sometimes nothing really comes to mind. We just reach in and pull something out of the hat in the moment, but that hasn’t really influenced our lives in any meaningful way. Follow your dreams, comes to mind. Or, you might make a joke out of it, like my friend Shane did when I asked him: Don’t train in Alaska in February.
Like many of you, I stopped to consider all the great advice I’ve been given over the years. So many things came to mind – most importantly, the faces of the people who have profoundly influenced my life for the better. I smiled as I saw them – as I saw many of you. That said, there’s not one piece of advice that sticks out. I don’t necessarily think that’s a bad thing. Rather, I think it’s a testimony to the great deal of goodness in my life.
Something else did come to mind pretty quickly, though. I can easily tell you the worst advice I’ve ever been given. I was a young man beginning my career in school administration. I remember asking a more experienced administrator for some advice in my new role and, without missing a beat, they said: Don’t trust anyone who doesn’t give you a reason to trust them.
I can’t tell you how I responded. The words escape me to this day. What I can tell you is how I felt upon hearing those words. Disgusted.
The conversation didn’t last much longer before I found my way out. As I walked to my car, I realized how consistent that leader’s actions were with the advice they’d just given me. So much I had previously wondered about clicked into place. Suddenly, I realized why I never felt trusted by them: I wasn’t trusted by them. I promised myself that I would never allow that advice to guide my leadership.
Rather than assume the worst about people, I wanted to assume the best. Rather than ask people to work tirelessly to earn my trust, I wanted to give my trust away as freely as I could (within reason). Conversely, I recognized my responsibility to work tirelessly to earn the trust of others, specifically those I hoped to lead. In that spirit, I continue to be grateful for the model given to me by Carrie Tulbert, my Principal when I was an AP, and specifically remember the first time she said, I trust you implicitly. She’s repeated it many times since.
It’s been nearly fifteen years since that afternoon. I can’t say that I lived up to my aspirations perfectly. I sometimes unnecessarily withheld trust from others. At other times, I didn’t earn the trust I hoped to have. For the most part, though, those cases were the exception, not the rule. And, despite my failings, I can honestly say “not trusting” was never my goal.
Choosing greatness, I believe, is tied to choosing trust. Not foolishly, but ever-intentionally. Rather than protecting ourselves, trust asks us to invest in others despite the potential costs. It grows our character, our relationships, and, ultimately, our world.
My hope in sharing all this is that there’s something in here for you. That there’s enough truth that you’re equipped to lead a little bit better than you did before.
I now find myself wondering the same question that first inspired me to write: What’s the best advice you’ve ever been given? Or, maybe, just as important, what’s the worst? If there’s enough of a response, next week’s edition will feature your words. Simply reply and let me know if you wish to remain anonymous.
#ChooseToBeGreat
Angelo
CHOOSE TO BE GREAT 